Frequently Asked Questions about Quitting Smoking

1. Does quitting smoking right now help me live longer?

Absolutely. Quitting smoking immediately will prolong your life, and make your life more healthy and enjoyable. Of course, the downside of all of this healthy enjoyment is that you can’t enjoy a cigarette afterwards.

2. Was it hard to quit smoking?

Sure it was. The quitting part is easy enough–anyone can quit as often as they like. The HARD part of quitting smoking is staying smoke-free.

3. Is there a quit program you recommend?

Nope. Quitting smoking using a quit program is throwing money at the wrong problem. One of the things about smoking that is most addictive has nothing to do with nicotine. People smoke because it has became an ingrained habit–not because their body craves nicotine. The nicotine is just a BONUS.

4. Ok, so what is the best way to quit smoking?

Medically induced coma. Go to sleep for a year, wake up feeling refreshed, without a single craving for a cigarette. For those of us who cannot afford this luxury (but think of the tax savings you can accrue for being declared legally dead for just ONE year), one day at the time is the best answer. For everything.

5. Nicotine patches–are they effective?

Sure. A nicotine patch takes care of the instant jolt of nicotine that your blood requires to maintain its lifestyle. Think of your blood as a thick rich soup full of special “ingredients.” Smokers are used to having certain “ingredients” percolating around their body, and when these “ingredients” are missing, then their bodies complain about it. Nicotine is the sweet dried basil in our bloodstream’s pasta fagoli.

6. How about electronic cigarettes?

Well, the jury is still out on these little miracle workers. All of the pastiche of actual smoking, with the burn and heat of a normal cigarette, at a lower price with special flavors like burberry and hazelnut to make the act of breathing steam out of a tube a taste experience. Electronic cigarettes make someone want to quit smoking just because it is so uncool to smoke an electronic cigarette.

7. Is there a goal for quitting smoking that everyone should try for?

Of course. If you can quit smoking RIGHT now, you can start back again when you are 80.

8.Is smokeless tobacco a suitable alternative to smoking?

Nope. It does not light as well, and smoking a plug of chewing tobacco is frowned upon in most subways. In all seriousness, is there anything grosser than having to spit every 20 seconds and then watching your 3 year old drink out of your spit cup? It would be better to just shove a cigar up your alimentary canal and walk around all day than to chew tobacco.

9. Does smoking pot cause cancer?

Probably. But then again, you don’t smoke 40 joints a day either. And if you do, you quit reading this article a LONG time ago.

10.So what is the first BIG step in quitting smoking?

Buy your gas outside using the pay-at-the-pump feature. If you do not go into the convenience store, you won’t buy the cigarettes. That is the first big step on the road to a tobacco free lifestyle.